Satirical News Service
Loseville, FL
In another Media Circus, today, self proclaimed pastor Jerry Tones announced that on Friday September 10th, he was going to barbecue a steak and on 9/11, he was going to barbecue pork ribs!
Jerry Tones who is pastor of the Church of the God-Loving-and-Liberal-Hating and-Any-Foreigner-Americans, announced that he was going to perform this public cooking demonstration to the national media in an effort to “Piss off all those Vegans and Muslims who don’t eat meat or pork”. He said is grilling the meat on Friday was in an effort to specifically piss off all the Catholics who still adhere to meatless Fridays.
Outrage and Pleas have come in from around the world for him to stop, stating that it could jeopardize American lives. Calls from the Pope, the Indian and Pakistani Prime Ministers, PETA, the AMA, Numerous Muslim Imams, and Whole Foods Executives have failed to persuade him against pursing this divisive and dangerous course.
Pastor Tones, who received his ordination via the Internet, and whose congregation consists of his two toddler nephews, has stood steadfast in his determination to perform this act stating “God has instructed me to do this to show he hates foreigners and liberals and especially Vegetarians!”
After two days of very tense negotiations and a personal plea from Sarah Palin who offered to send him a Moose to grill instead, he finally relented. So on Saturday September 11th, Pastor Tones will be cooking Moose burgers instead of pork and beef, slowly seared over a bed of coals made up of Korans and Torahs.
Original Satire from
Steven Friedman
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