Hey Grads – sick and tired of trying to find lucrative work in this economy with your worthless English Literature Degree, Finance degree, or IT degree? Well those very same companies that are turning you away in the front door, are providing billions of dollars and new jobs thru the backdoor through shadow organizations like “Crossroads America", and "US Chamber of Commerce” that are producing tons of negative campaign ads.
So why not cash in on all this loot, by obtaining your degree in Negative Campaign Ad Writing here at the George Orwell Online University. He at GOOU, you’ll learn from the pro’s like Carl Rove and Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh. In no time at all you’ll be spouting meaningless and provacative phrases like “Death Panels”, “Obamacare”, and “Fascist Socialism!” And.... you’ll be raking in the big bucks!
Here is a sample of what you’ll learn
Negative Ad Phrase Construction
Using only the words Tax Cuts, Big Government, Spending, Wasteful, Obama, Support, troops, dept, middle class, jobs, creation, and lost, you’ll learn to create hundreds of new negative ads.
Negative Campaign Diction
You’ll learn to speak in a indignant announcer voice a folksy hick dialect, and an indignant Momma grissly voice.
Photoshop Collage
You’ll learn basic Photoshop skills of taking photos of frowning candidates and collaging them along with your indignant phrases to create negative ads.
Basic Phone Camera Filming and Editing
You’ll learn how to create grainy unintelligible phone videos of candidate’s speeches and then edit them to say anything you want them to.
Fuzzy Math
You’ll learn the basics of fuzzy math so that you can make it sound like 2+2 really is equal to 1, and come up with big number phrases like “gozillions of dollars wasted”.
So don’t wait for hope and prosperity come back, take the opportunities that fear and loathing offer you right now in the creative and very very lucrative Negative Campaign Ad writing profession.
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