Trump Asks Congress for 20 million to Develop More Potent Epithets

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

As the war of words with North Korea escalated this week, President Trump today asked Congress for 20 million dollars to develop more potent epithets to hurl at North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. In a tweet today he stated, 

“We need to develop more powerful epithets that will totally devastate Kim Jong Un. We know that North Korea is doing this and have already tested a string of insults that it intends to hurl at the US. Our current arsenal of epithets is disgraceful. Many like ‘Rocketman’ are more than 40 years old, and in some cases, ‘Dotard’ are more than 100.  Without new and more potent ones, the US could find itself under a stream of verbal attacks at any time with no way to retaliate. I am asking Congress for 20 million dollars added onto the defense budget for this program”.

When queried as to where the funds would come from to pay for this, he tweeted “We’ll take it from Funds for the school lunch program”.

10 Year Old boy and Dad Want to Defoliate Trumps Golf Courses

Mexico Tears down Hundreds of Buildings to Get building Materials for Trump’s Wall

Satirical News Service
Mexico City, Mexico

Mexico City today started to demolish hundreds of building simultaneously in order to obtain the necessary materials to build Trump’s border wall. According to Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, “When we heard Mr. Trump speak today at the UN, we knew he meant what he said about building that wall and making Mexico pay for it. We decided we better get prepared for this. We are a small country with very few resources, and since all our skilled workers are in America, we had to start tearing down a lot of buildings here in Mexico city to get all the building materials for his wall. Luckily Mother Nature was on our side and sent us a 7.5 earthquake to assist in our efforts.”

Trump Tweets How Frank Giaccio is Making America Great Again

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After accepting a deal to have the White house Lawn by an eleven year old boy, Trump happily Tweeted.

D.O.T.E. Act Repealed

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a controversial move Congress has repealed the DOTE act or amnesty for Decedents of Over-privileged Tax Evaders that was originally signed into law during the last Bush administration. Basically it stipulated that children of Real Estate Magnates, Hedge Fund Managers, and CEO’s of large corporations, who had evaded taxes for years, would now be held liable for taxes that their elders owed the state and federal government.

An anonymous spokesperson for a group whom we shall call “Little Lord Fauntleroy” stated this

“Through no fault of our own, we now face an uncertain future. Imagine, having grown up with every privilege imaginable  - private schools, gated communities, country clubs – now having to face to possibility of living a middle class life style that is completely foreign to us. We had no control over our parents’ tax returns. They just said 'Don’t worry about it – I have the best accountants in the country on this'. How were we in any way responsible? I have a young son now who might have to attend a bi-lingual public school in a middle class neighborhood. My country club could bar us. This is just not fair!”

According to those who are supporting the repeal they stated that “The law is the law!” Even though they may not be directly responsible for their parents’ illegal actions, they must carry the consequences and assume all the back taxes and penalties going back to their great grandparents. Just because they are over-privileged through no actions of their own, doesn’t give them the right to take away the right of others to become over-privileged who have paid all their fair share of taxes.