Satirical News Service
Washington, DC
The Late Hugo Chavez, the ex-president of Venezuela,
has announced he is planning to run against Trump in the 2024 presidential election. We
spoke to him via a “medium” who has had contact with a number of deceased
leaders.
SN: Mr. Chavez does having been dead for more than
7 years at all hinder your ability to run let alone carry out the duties of
President?
HC: Not at all. I just need to Tweet a lot and
people think I’m doing a great job! I just won’t be able to play golf as much
as Mr. Trump.
SN: Don’t you actually have to be a US citizen to
run for President?
HC: Believe it or not I became a US Citizen during
the Obama administration when I hacked into their computers and made myself
one. I have all the paperwork to prove it too.
SN: How do you see yourself running your campaign from
the grave?
HC: Actually I have to do very little campaigning
at all since I’ve already hacked into your voting computer systems so winning
is not a problem. While I do have to
make some appearances and hold rallies, my people are actively working with Disney
on creating an animatronic version of me. They did such a great job on that one
of Trump.
SN: What makes you think you’ll be attractive to US
voters?
HC: I just let the Trump campaign paint me as a
scathing socialist who will take away all their guns, give away their homes to
minorities, destroy their suburbs, turn their sons and daughters gay, and ban
going to church. There are a lot of people on both the Left and Right who would
happily buy into all that crap. Besides, the thought of 4 more years of Trump,
well…., what do they have to lose?
SN: Have you thought about a running mate?
HC: Actually I was thinking about Fidel Castro to
be my VP.
No comments:
Post a Comment