Satirical News Service
Gobbler’s Knob, PA
What has for
more than 100 years have been the peaceful celebration of Ground Hog Day at Gobbler’s
Knob in Western Pennsylvania today erupted into a violent protest by mobs of people
who refuse to believe that Punxsutawney
Phil actually saw his shadow today. “It was clearly an
illegal attempt to steal our winter”, said one of the protesters, “We are hell-bent on doing everything we can to stop this travesty. We’ll even shoot every
one of those damned groundhogs who venture out of their dens and attempt to take away
our constitutional protected winter days. I say Stop the Steal!””
After state and local police and intervened, the
riot was finally quelled leaving a very shaken Punxsutawney Phil quivering in his den-like-cage, too afraid to come out for anything!
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