Jen Psaki Reveals the Real Cause for Recent Inflation

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 In an exclusive interview with Press Secretary Jen Psaki, we got a first-time look at what the real cause is for the recent rise in inflation. A group of four of us from SNS were led into a sub-basement maze that revealed a TOP SECRET room deep in the bowels of the White House. In it, we were shown a large array of levers to the accompanying hum of machinery operating.

“This is the room where we manage the levers that control the price of things. It’s what makes gas prices go up or down, or controls the supply of Orange Juice at your local supermarket. Many people are under the mistaken perception that these are all factors of supply and demand and fluctuations in interest rates or money supply. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here is where the President has direct control of these things. It is a very very delicate apparatus. It goes back as far as the Hoover administration where President Hoover wanted to take more control over the economy himself. Unfortunately, he had no idea what he was doing and he started monkeying with the levers and shorted the whole thing out. The result was a crash in the stock market and the Dust Bowl. After that, access to this room was strictly limited. Unfortunately Jimmy Carter – an engineer himself – felt he had the skill and engineering knowledge to play with it. The result was a huge rise in inflation and interest. After aides to Regan got things reset, most administrations usually just left things alone. Trump was way too busy playing golf to care about it so he never came near the room.  When Biden took office he wanted to try to get things fixed faster. He was doing pretty well until about a month ago, rats or something got into the wiring and intermittently started shorting out several of the key controllers – one was controlling the gasoline prices at the pump, another was controlling housing prices, and a third was for certain foods like meat and poultry.  Apparently, they ate through the wiring causing intermittent sudden rises in those prices. That’s the reason they acquired the White House Cat. Fixing this has been a nightmare. The designer left no plans and what diagrams we have are pretty inaccurate. He and Jill have been down here most nights with a team of engineers trying to get the damn thing fixed. Bless his heart – the man feels personally responsible for it. His biggest fear is if Republicans get back in power they’ll really mess up the works. Can you imagine Marjorie Taylor Greene down here playing with the price control levers?”