DeSantis Comes Out Strongly for a “Don’t Say Meow” Bill in Florida

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Following a recent Washington Post report about Nebraska State Senator railing about “students who identify themselves as 'Cats' were demanding that litter boxes be placed in school bathrooms", Florida’s governor Ron DeSantis has come out on this as “the central issue of my 2022 campaign for governor”.  

Governor DeSantis recently became a national lightning rod for his “Anti-Woke” bill and “Don’t Say Gay Bill” which prevented school teachers from talking or even mentioning gender and sexual identity in the classroom. Now that that bill has become law and a rallying point for wannabe Trump contenders, he feels that this new bill could really “own-the-libs”. 

Aside from this, DeSantis has stated almost nothing about bringing Florida’s economy back and addressing some of the most serious environmental issues that threaten Florida’s tourist and sport fishing industries, not any mention of the growing gun violence that has plagued the state for the past six years.

Republicans Organize Aide Relief to Oligarchs

 Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

It’s a tearful scene here at Teterboro Airport here in New Jersey as Russian-owned private jets are forced to land by authorities who are enforcing the sanctions against Russia. It is almost too much to bear as these poor souls deplane, separated from their mistresses and concubines and forced to stay in 3 and 4-star hotels – some even without room service.

A group of Republicans, including many big donors and people in power, are organizing Aide Relief to Oligarchs.

“We want to provide basic humanitarian aid to these poor displaced souls – basic needs like imported caviar, luxury limousines, and private jets. “ It’s hardly their fault that those tyrannical NATO states have taken away their basic necessities – like yachts, luxury apartments, and access to their billions of ill-gotten dollars. We are organizing convoys of limousines and people are donating their luxury yachts and jets to aid in their efforts.  There is even a group of prostitutes from Nevada that have offered up their services to help these poor souls through this time of difficulty. Even Trump has offered to shelter these refugees in his Trump Tower with differed payments at only 35% per day interest rates.”