New Book Reveals that Jimmy Carter paid Hush Money Too! (Satire)

 

Satirical News Service
Washinton, DC

In a startling revelation by FOX News they revealed that in an upcoming biography of former President Jimmy Carter, it was revealed that he paid a woman hush money not to disclose that he had “lusted in his heart for her”. In response, Trump posted on “X” (formerly Twitter) that “All the Democrats have done it, but they want to send ME to prison for it.”

Although the publication of the book is being withheld until after Carter’s death, the author did disclose that Jimmy Carter revealed this to his wife Roslyn soon after who demanded that he pay the woman. The woman’s name was not revealed, nor the amount. But they did reveal that she was then a struggling homeless woman with three kids. The “hush” money went to pay for clothes, for food, and temporary shelter for her and her children on the promise that she never reveal who it was from.

Trump’s Secret Strategy for the Upcoming Debates

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

 Secret memos obtained by SNS have revealed Trump's secret strategy for the upcoming debate with Joe Biden. Regardless of the outcome or lack of outcome of his current NY trial, Trump will be appearing for the debate wearing an orange jumpsuit and shackles on his arms. Since the Republicans basically have no platform other than exporting and locking up a bunch of immigrants, and railing about Hannibal Lecters  are crossing our border. The only other thing that he can do is focus on how persecuted he is by Biden and those evil Democrats. So expect him to play the Nagorski card big time by waving his shackles and ranting how even Jesus Christ wasn’t as persecuted as he is now. It should make for great theater but don’t expect any actual issues to be discussed. The Republicans only have one – Donald Trump.

If you Build it – They will Come

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

 According to Iowa’s Republican Governor Kim Renolds, the prophecy that the mysterious cornfield voice uttered “If you build it, they will come” is coming true in Iowa.  According to Governor Reynolds "Ever since they build that damn ball field in a cornfield, it has been a magnet for illegal immigrants to come through that cornfield into our state and raise holy hell. That’s why we desperately need our own immigration laws so we can lock up all these illegal immigrants and prevent them from voting democrat in the next election."  She further claims that every day thousands of illegals are coming through that cornfield having heard the voice.  While many Iowans remain skeptical, she insists “In the movie, people couldn’t see those ball players until they could. It’s the same here. I can see ‘em, but many people – especially Democrats can’t. So we need to pass that immigration bill and maybe build a wall around that damn cornfield."