Satirical
News Service
Washington, DC
Doctors with the Trump campaign have discovered previously un-diagnosed complications of injuries from the assignation attempt on Trump 3 weeks ago.
“At first we thought it was just his ear was affected, but after
seeing him speak at a recent conference of Black journalists, we re-examined
him and found that his mouth was severely affected by the shooting as well. We have prescribed a special “sanitary pad” to wear in his mouth at all rallies to prevent the injury from
worsening. While this may mean he will not actually be able to speak, he
will still be able to pantomime, dance, and do his typical gestures. At the same time, carefully
sanitized speeches are played over the loudspeakers. Sadly, this will prevent
him from debating Kamala Harris in September, and have written a note to the
organizers of the debate about this decision.”
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