Food Fear Network to Debut in the Fall of 2015

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Today Food Network®  executives announced plans for a spin-off Cable Network devoted entirely to Food Fear. In a Press conference today, their spokesperson spoke about the reason and plans for this.

Today we have many shows on the Food Network devoted to food preparation, food consumption, food health, and food competitions. But we noticed that there was an under-served segment of the population that was interested not in how good food tasted or its benefits, but in how much it was harming you. We discovered that every day there are over two million tweets about this or that food or food additive being bad for you. The Evening  News and daytime talk shows are filled with reports about food scares. We saw this not as a problem, but an opportunity to serve this segment.

Starting this fall, there will be an entire network devoted to telling you the dangers of whatever you put in your mouth. We won’t just focus on stories about the dangers of consuming salt, sugar, fat, carbs, wheat, gluten…. but anything and everything. We’ll go to the four corners of the earth to dig up stories meant to scare the living bejesus out of you about anything you eat. It won’t matter if you are a junk-food-junkie or whole–organic-macrobiotic-paleo-diet food fanatic; we’ll find some way to show you how harmful it is.