More Empty Chairs in the Presidential Election Ring

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 As more Republicans last week announced their candidacy with lack-luster enthusiasm from the general public, polls taken by both parties still show “The Empty Chair” polling 15 to 20 points higher than anyone else. This has now attracted attention of other empty chairs who are considering a run for the 2016 presidential election.

Upright Hickory Chair

This chair should appeal to traditional conservatives who believe in austere financial policies, little government support for social programs, and rock solid social values.

The Folding Assembly Chair

This chair should appeal to the Evangelical Religious Conservatives. It conveniently folds to hide whatever sins they have done, but remains rigid and unyielding when it comes to others’ transgressions. It is designed intentionally to be uncomfortable to sit in for more than 20 minutes which is much more time than most people can sit for the other announced evangelical candidates.

The Gay Chair

This is a radically designed chair to appeal to the Gay voters.

The Sofa Chair

This cushy chair appeals to ultra-liberal voters who want government to support everything.

The Board Chair

This chair should appeal to Big Business and Corporations who want to see much looser regulatory regulations and can swivel left or right or up and down depending on business climate.

The Reclining Chair

This should appeal to Liberals and senior citizens to the Left of Hillary Clinton who want more government support for a whole host of social and economic programs. It is designed to go up and down depending on how the polls go.

The Bench

This chair should appeal to the Paul Rand Less government crowd. It provides no back support whatsoever, and is extremely and uncomfortable to sit in.

The Barber Chair

This chair should appeal to Black Men who want to see the White House returned to a Black man.

The Beauty Shop Chair

This chair should to appeal to “soccer moms” and very conservative white women who want to see traditional social values returned to this country.

The Electric Chair

This chair should appeal to stern law and order types who want harsher anti-terrorism measures, more law and order, and less gun control.

The Dunce Chair

This is pretty much what we already have