US Launches Missile Attack on Bob Mueller’s Offices in Response to Syrian Gas Attack

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Sources in the White House reported today that the US military has successfully carried out a missile attack on the Offices of Bob Mueller to “send a message to the Syrians that they can’t get away with launching poison gas attacks on their own people”. Asked why Bob Mueller’s office was chosen instead of a target in Syria, Sarah Huckabee Saunders responded by saying “We feel this is the best way to show the Syrians what we could do to them if we wanted to, and also sends a message to their Russian allies that attempting to link the President to any type of collusion in the last election which did not occur or any other scandal which also did not happen, that they will pay a hefty consequence for their actions.”

Sources within the White House could not confirm that another missile attack might be imminent for the headquarters of Macmillan, who recently published Bob Comey’s new book, as a follow on message to Syria, “not to mess with the USA”. Republicans in both House of Congress applauded this action saying “We support our President 100% in his brave action to demonstrate to Syria and the Russians that we mean what we say!”

Trump pledges to Send Bob Mueller to Syria to Investigate Russian Collusion

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a surprise announcement by the White House, Donald Trump has pledged to send Special Counsel Bob Mueller to Syria to investigate "possible collusion with Syria by the Russians in the latest gas attack on civilians there".  In a statement released by President Trump, he stated "Bob Mueller - Helluva guy - doing a great job here investigating the Russians. But we urgently need him over in Syria right now to investigate possible collusion by Syria with the Russians. There is no time to waste and this needs to be his highest priority for at least the next 4 to 8 years!"

Trump Deploying Thousands of Us Troops To Guard The Alamo

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

President Trump today has issued an order to deploy nearly 1000 US infantry troops to guard The Alamo. He stated the reason was “an imminent attack there by General Santa Anna”. He apparently learned about this from hearing FOX news reports of hundreds of Mexicans marching toward the border. “Remember the Alamo!”, he was heard yelling to his awestruck generals. “We must send our troops to defend it at all costs!” Those costs are estimated to be in the 10’s of millions of dollars that would otherwise be used for better purposes.