Brett Kavanaugh Tries to Get into Heaven

If his attempt to enter thru the Pearly Gates of Heaven go like his hearing, here is what I expect it will go like…..

St. Peter: Excuse me Mr. Kavanaugh, it seems there is a problem……some unfinished business from your time on earth……

K: This process has become a Holy disgrace. The Bible gives you an important role in the entry process. But you have replaced “advice and consent” with “search and destroy.” Since my recent death, there’s been a frenzy on the left to come up with something, anything to block my entry into Heaven. Shortly after I died, the Democratic Senate leader said he would “oppose me with everything he’s got.” A Democratic senator on this committee publicly referred to me as evil. Evil!. The allegation against me was held in secret for weeks by Democratic members of this committee. They were lying in wait and had it ready for the day I died. Then they come along with a series of false last-minute smears designed to scare me and drive me out of Heaven. This whole effort has been a calculated and orchestrated political hit, fueled with apparent pent-up anger about President Trump and the 2016 election, fear that has been unfairly stoked about my judicial record, revenge on behalf of the Clintons and millions of dollars in money from outside left-wing opposition groups.

The so-called party described by Dr. Ford happened in the summer of 1982 on a weekend night, when my calendar shows all but definitively I was not there. I keep all my important stuff in my calendar so when I am accused of something like this I can hold it up and say “See! It isn’t in my Calendar so it couldn’t have happened. I was a virgin most of my life, and even well into my married life, so how could I have done anything like what I was accused of.  Sure I like beer! DO YOU LIKE BEER ST. PETER????

St. Peter: Actually I Prefer wine.

K: Well I like BEER! Sure I drank a little bit and occasionally may a slurred a few words, but THAT’S ALL! Nothing like sticking penises in peoples’ faces or groping them while holding my hand over their mouth. I’d have certainly put THAT in my calendar, wouldn’t I? And since I didn’t it proves that I didn’t do any such things. How come when PJ and Judge were questioned they didn’t say it happened and they didn’t write it in their calendars either! How about confession??? Wouldn’t I have said something in Confession which I went to every day – sometimes more? Where are THOSE records? I’ve worked my Butt off to get into Heaven. I’ve done everything my party asked me to do – blindly and without giving it a second thought. I demand you let me through those Pearly Gates Now!

St. Peter: Go to Hell!