Kim's Reply to "Great Satisfaction Letter"

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

After receiving what Kim stated was a "very satisfactory letter" from Donald Trump, he replied in kind. Satirical News Service has obtained a copy

My Dearest Donald

                How I long to again be in your strong embrace. I sorrow to hear of your troubles with those intransigent Democrats. If only you will lift those nasty sanctions on us and give up your ridiculous idea of denuclearization, I will happily do for you the following

1.      I will send 10,000 slave laborers to build your beloved wall so you will not need the 5.8 billion US dollars your ungrateful Congress will not give you. I will also send 2000 armed guards to make sure they stay in line. When the wall is done you can either deport them back to North Korea or Kill them – either way, you will get your wall.
2.      I will send my own personal hit teams to kill Nancy Pelosi and all of her family as well as Robert Schumer’s and any other member of Congress who opposes you. I will take care of all of this.
3.    I will also have Robert Mueller and his family killed as well as Michael Cohen.
4.     You can come and deliver your State of the Union address and any other dictates right from my own personal podium here in North Korea.

Please say yes to this my beloved.

Your’s Truly.

Kim Jong Un

White House sources confirmed that Trump thought Kims reply marked great progress in their on-going relationship.

Trump Declares National Emergency Over Space Invaders from Ultima Thule

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In the latest episode of the “Build the Wall” saga. President Trump today tweeted.

“I have seen solid evidence from NASA that Ultima Thule is preparing to send a caravan of Space Invaders to try to enter our country illegally from our Southern Border. THIS IS A NATIONAL EMERGENCY! I have directed the Pentagon to release the funds that we have asked for to create our New National Space Force, and use those funds to BUILD MY CONCRETE WALL!”

NASA says there is no such thing, but suggest instead that they send Trump himself to negotiate with the Space Aliens there – immediately.

Pope Francis Demands Bigger Wall for Vatican – Vows to shut down the City if I don’t Get My Wall”

Satirical News Service
Rome, Italy

After President Trump specifically mentioned that “the Vatican has a wall” in his latest tirade, Pope Francis demanded that the Vatican build a bigger wall similar to the one Trump is suggesting along the Southern US border.  

“We need a bigger beautiful wall to surround our city. Right now hordes of Protestants, Jews, Buddhists, and even  Muslims can simply walk into our city. The only thing that protects us here are some guards in clown suits with spears. I am asking the Church for 5.6 billion dollars that we would normally use to feed the poor and set up educational programs be taken and used to build my big beautiful wall. If I don’t get it – I’ll close down this city. Let the bishops squabble – After all, I AM THE POPE!”