Spell Checker Changes All Instances Of Collusion To Collision In Mueller Report

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In an effort of complete the report on time, Mueller’s staff ran it through Windows’ Spell Checker, and only later discovered to their horror that it had changed every instance of the word “Collusion” to “Collision”. The President’s chief defense counsel stated that it confirmed that there was absolutely no Collusion mentioned anywhere in the report. Apparently, the Spell checker also changed the word “Conspiracy" to "Controversy“, and for some strange and unexplained reason, it also changed the phrase “We therefore conclude that an indictment should be sought against Donald Trump” to phrase “We therefore conclude that an indictment should be sought against Hillary Clinton”. Staffers from Mueller’s office were aghast that such an egregious error had happened, but they speculate that it might have had something to do with the technicians who were fiddling with Mueller’s computer last week who had very strange foreign accents.

Trump Readies Millions of Paper Towel Rolls to Go to Midwest Flood Victims

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

The Trump administration today announced that it was readying a shipment of more than a million rolls of paper towels to be thrown out to the recent victims of the floods that are ravaging the Midwest right now. In a recent Tweet, Trump proclaimed “This is the best solution we can offer these poor victims of the flooding right now. Unfortunately the levee projects that might have mitigated or prevented those  and future floods will have to wait since the funds that were allocated to the Army Corp of Engineers has to be redirected to build my urgently needed Border Wall.”

Trump insists There Was No Collusion Between Lion Air and Ethiopian Jets

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 In a hastily convened press conference President Trump Announced that despite the FAA’s decision to ground  the US fleet of 737-Max airplanes, he insisted  emphatically that “there was no collusion between the two jets- none at all.” He went on to state “while there may be some similarities, like both jets suddenly nose-diving into the ground after take-off, I can assure you that there was no collusion between those two jets or any other jets. This whole thing is just a witch hunt to take the focus away from my urgently needed wall, which by the way would have prevented those unfortunate people from flying on those jets in the first place.”