Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating the Destruction of Bison and Other “Beasts” in National Parks

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After scenes of a child being thrown into the air by a Bison in Yellowstone National Park went viral on the NEWS channels,, Trump immediately decried it as evidence that our National Parks are being overrun by dangerous "beasts" that are wantonly killing innocent tourists. He then declared a National Emergency and signed an executive order mandating the destruction of all wild buffalo (bison) and other unspecified “beasts” in all National Parks. He ordered that the US Interior Department issue un-restricted hunting licenses in National Parks to anyone who wanted them.  In his signing statement, he stated: “We have to Make America’s National Parks Great Again!”

Dribble - The Amazing Language Spin App

Dribble - The Amazing Language Spin App.

Ever been in a tricky situation where you really needed a good lie or plausible explanation to get out of some really bat-shit thing you did? Well now Dribble will do just that!

Dribble is the amazing APP that lets users say their version of what they want to say into their smartphones. The user then will select whose style they want to spin it, and presto, Dribble will translate it into a new “version of whatever you did or said” that will be believable by millions of people – no matter how ridiculous or incredulous it seems.

Here are some testimonies from actual users....

“Before I started using Dribble, I would get into all kinds of trouble at work because I just couldn’t lie my way out of it. Now with Dribble I can get away with anything and the foreman will believe it.”

“I can now fool around behind my girlfriend’s back and when she confronts me with ‘where were you last night?’ I simply have Dribble translate what I really did into something she’ll believe. It's incredible!”

“I’ve increased my sales of worthless stocks and bonds 10 fold using Dribble. Now my clients believe whatever I tell them using the Dribble Spin App on my smartphone”.

"I've managed to get re-elected in a conservative bible toting district despite being a pedophile, philanderer, and outright crook using Dribble"

You can choose from more than 10 different well known habitual liars and truth-spinners who have proven track records of getting millions of people to believe whatever bat-shit crazy things they spew.

Available for Android and iPhones now.

Twitter Set to Issue Its Own Cyber Currency

Satirical News Service
Silicon Valley, CA

In response to Facebook’s plan to issue their own Cyber Currency called the “Libra”, Twitter today announced that it also has plans to issue their own cyber currency called the “FUL”. To honor its greatest patron, Twitter has elected to place on the front of each cyber coin a likeness of Donald Trump. In a statement by Twitter's CEO,

“We feel he represents everything investors will see in these FUL’s, and deserves to be on the front of each one.”

The value of these FULs, like the man on the front of them, is completely unknown. While it is rumored to have great intrinsic value, many believe that they are in fact worthless.

Shrewd investors are expected to make a rush to own these FUL’s once they are released (no date yet announced). It is expected that they will inflate up the value of the FUL’s to what many people have stated is way beyond what they are or ever will be worth and then sell them short leaving many people holding onto worthless FUL’s.

So as they say, "FUL’s invest in things wise men fear to touch."

Sockem Blow Up Dolls to Replace Ballots on 2020 Election

 Satirical News Service
Washington DC

As the prospects for the most contentious and anger filled election in history draws near, some psychologists have suggested a different form of balloting that would help to vent off some of the anger, as well as prevent Russian Hacking. Instead of paper ballots in voting booths, voters would be faced with blow-up “sockem” puppet dolls that they would hit to vote against. A computer would record this and tally a vote for the opponent. In elections where there are multiple candidates, voters would punch all but the one they are not against. In addition to quelling voter anger, they expect will it greatly increase voter turnout.

Nancy Pelosi Signs Executive Action Reversing All Cabinet Appointments

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Since Donald Trump has completely negated the Constitutionally mandated separation of powers in favor of “Executive Decrees”, Nancy Pelosi, the current Speaker of the House and third-in-line of succession, has decided to make her own Executive Decrees.  This first one invalidates all Presidential Cabinet appointees and rolls back any policies they may have implemented in their tenure. Any new appointments will have to go through her committee for approval, She also signed into law an Executive Order saying Acting Appointments will  have no legal authority to carry out any action without Congressional approval.

Trump Signs Executive Order Repealing the 13th Amendment

Trump signed Executive Order repealing the 13th Amendment

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

To demonstrate how great he has been for Blacks, and how much they love him, Donald Trump today signed an executive order  that repeals the 13^th Amendment to the Constitution barring Slavery. In doing so, he tweeted, "This will guarantee full employment for all Blacks and Hispanics. They'll love me even more after this!"

“ I can solve the entire un-employment problem of Blacks and Hispanics with one stroke of my pen by repealing this bad Amendment. Lincoln never should have signed it, but he was forced to by a Democratic-controlled Congress.”

Senate Leader Mitch McConnell responded to this  “I see no reason why he can’t do this, it’s only going to help the economy”.