Satirical News Service
Fort Worth, Texas
Hundreds of Texans have
crowded into airports here hoping to catch a mercy flight that will fly them to Sudan to escape the carnage here. With a mass shooting in Texans now nearly
every other day, many individuals are concluding that they would be safer in Sudan than anywhere in Texas.
One refugee was quoted to say, “At least in Sudan you
know who is shooting at you, and hopefully when one side wins or they can come
to a consensus, the shooting will stop. Here in Texas, you have no idea who is
going to shoot you, and since everyone here seems to own assault rifles and
handguns it could be anyone who could shoot you anywhere. There is no end in sight. I’ll
take my chances in Sudan. “
Those who cannot flee are urged to hunker down in the
basement or safe place within their own homes, and not venture out to malls,
bars, schools, or any place of entertainment. It is becoming increasingly
difficult to survive in Texas since the power grid seems to fail whenever storms,
cold or excess heat happens, and food is becoming scarce since they’ve cracked
down on immigration and there is no one left to make the supply chain work. Some hope that the UN will intervene and impose some sort of sane gun control in
that state, but right now the best place
to be is elsewhere.
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