Dear Poor Person:
As newly elected President I have reviewed your record and see that you have failed to rise above the minimum standards of poverty over the past 5 years. While it has been the policy of my predecessors to care about you, I do not. Although we have provided you with an ample safety net for some time now, the time has come for you to find a new country. We regret this decision, but it is necessary so that we can claim that the United States maintains the highest standard of living. Our outplacement service agents will be arriving for you in the coming days to assist you in finding a new country. I wish you the best possible future in whatever country you choose to live in.
Sincerely yours,
Mitt Romney
P.S. I’ll bet you $10,000 it won’t be Syria! HA! HA!
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