Mitt Romney Declares Support for Bridge to Nowhere to Maintain Safety Net for Poor.

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

Following his remarks to CNN about “not caring for the poor”, Mitt Romney reiterated his position by declaring renewed support for the Gravina Island Bridge in Alaska – the so-called “Bridge to Nowhere”.

“As I have stated before, I feel that the safety net for the poorest Americans should be preserved! To many Americans who are out of a job due to high taxes and have now become homeless, the bridges in America offer them a last refuge and place to live under. As a nation we need to maintain this safety net, so I am coming out strongly in favor of completing the Gravina Island Bridge to serve as safety net for the poor and homeless people of Alaska and elsewhere. Instead of referring to it as the ‘Bridge to nowhere’, I plan on renaming it the ‘Safety Net to Nowhere’. Within weeks of becoming president, I’ll open this up to a single bidder contractor with corporate headquarters in the Cayman Islands who will help preserve the safety net for the less unfortunate Americans. I will also call on Congress to approve other such bridge projects in other states and cities so that the poor and homeless will always have a place to live – under.”