AIRLINES TO ADD NEW UPCHARGE TO ACTUALLY FLY THE PLANE

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

 In the never ending battle to find new ways to gouge passengers for more money, several airlines today announced that they will be adding a new upcharge to actually fly the plane to your destination.

According to one airlines spokesperson, “Many people are happy to pay a very discounted fare just get on airplane and sit on the tarmac and watch in-flight entertainment and eat our standard peanuts and soft drink snacks for several hours before disembarking. For those passengers we continue to offer our standard discount fares,  however seat assignment charges, checked baggage, carry on surcharges, extra-leg-room surcharges, and in-flight entertainment fees will still apply. For those passengers who insist on actually having the plane fly somewhere, we feel it is only appropriate that they pay additional upcharge that will be collected before boarding the plane. The new upcharge will have a two fee structure. The first one will be for actually flying the airplane, the second will be to actually fly the airplane to the destination you want to go, and not one we choose. “