New Emails Reveal a Different Story About Alleged Hacking of SONY

Satirical News Service
Hollywood, CA

A new group of Hackers reported to call themselves the Truth Squad have recently released what they claim are genuine emails from SONY executives that cast a new light on the recent affair with the movie The Interview, and the purported email hacking and threats by North Korea Cyber Terrorists.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 11/15/2014

Mike-

                We’ve got a big problem here. We’ve shown a pre-release of The Interview to several focus groups now and it ranks at the very bottom. Here are some of the comments –

“Complete Dog Poop”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

This film is slated for a big Xmas Holiday release and we stand to lose millions. Let’s try to see if the editing team can work a little more violence, nudity, gore, and crassness into it so at least maybe we can go for the 13-17 year old demographics.  We’d lose the PG rating , but hell, those kids always find a way to get in to the R rated movies.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 11/20/2014

Mike –

                We just shown  the re-edited movie to a bunch of demographic groups. Bad news! It tested at the very bottom. Even the 14 year olds thought it stunk. Unless we come up with a better plan, we could eat it in the shorts come Xmas time.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 11/23/2014

Mike –

            This may seem a bit  farfetched but it just might work! One of our techies says he knows of a group of hackers who once did some contract work for North Korea. He proposed we contact them and “arrange” for them to hack into our private emails.  They’re all just a bunch of Hollywood gossip and sniping anyways that everyone on the inside knows about already. The tabloids and “E” would eat it up – especially if we can time it in a slow news cycle. With any luck we might get some traction out of it.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 12/5/2014

Mike –

                Wow! It seems the plan worked even better than we could have hoped for. All the news channels are eating it up, and even the FBI has come out with a statement saying it was North Koreans retaliating for embarrassing their leader. I’ve told our “friends” to keep it going, but your guys are going to have to get on the band wagon and start sending some more “revealing and scandalous” emails ASAP. I suggest we go after some big names like Angelina Jolie and Adam Sandler. They always seem to get a lot of press.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 12/15/2014

Mike –

                WE HIT THE JACKPOT! Even Obama has jumped in condemning the hacking! Better yet, a few movie theaters have pulled the movie saying they are worried about another “Aurora Colorado Movie Theater” incident. The pre-release publicity is off the charts! I suggest SONY comes out and says that they are going to pull the release of the movie to protect the public from North Korean Terrorists. That should have every liberal and conservative demanding that we DO release this turd of a movie just to show the North Koreans that they can’t push us around.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 12/23/2014

Mike –

I can’t believe our luck! There are groups of protestors literally demanding we release the movie! Even Obama has condemned us for “giving into terrorism”. We are on a roll for Xmas day!!!!!

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: SONY Advertising Media consultants
Date: 12/26/2014

Mike –

I can’t believe our luck. Theaters are selling out tickets to this movie, and long lines are forking just to watch this piece of shit.

To: Michael Lynton CEO SONY studios
From: His Excellency And Infallible Leader Of The Free Democratic Peoples’ Republic Of North Korea, Kim Jong Un
Date: 12/26/2014

Dear Lackey of the Imperialist  Capitalist Movie Cartel,

                We have watched this ridiculous movie several times (we got a pirated copy from pirate bay).  We are amazed that Americans would actually pay to watch this piece of shit.  His Excellency however really did like his portrayal in the movie although he says they got the hair all wrong. His Excellency would like to propose to you to do a sequel which he has generously permitted you to film right here in the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of North Korea. He would also like to personally meet the two lead actors, James Franco and Seth Rogan, at his residency here in Pyongyang.