Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Washington DC
In the wake of yet another school shooting, the Trump administration went on record to condemn it and proposed a bold new solution to controlling these senseless gun deaths.
“We are appalled by these senseless gun deaths of our kids”, quoting Trump. “It is time for decisive action! I am proposing a Guns-For-Kids Exchange Program which will go a long way toward eliminating the source of the problem – Far too many kids, and fewer guns in the hands of good citizens! Once we have reduced these numbers, there will be a whole lot fewer kids to shoot and many more guns to protect us. This will make America safe again! I am proposing the following:"
- For a 3-5-year-old, we will offer a Glock 45
- For a 6-9-year-old an AR-15 semi-automatic
- For a child 9-16, they would be eligible to receive an M4 semi-automatic with 100 round extended ammo clip with armor-piercing bullets.
The NRA has come out solidly in favor of this program and the Republican-led Congress is expected to follow suit, although many would prefer also providing a monthly ammunition allowance for each family to replace food stamps.
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