North Korea to Issue Nuclear Weapons to Teachers

Satirical News Service
Pyongyang, North Korea

On the recommendation of North Korea’s NMA (Nuclear Missile Association), North Korea's Leader, Kim Jong Un is planning to issue ballistic nuclear-armed missiles to all of its teachers to prevent an attack by gunmen, like the ones that are occurring now in the USA.  According to their logic, since no North Korean civilian can own their own guns, any such attack could only have been initiated from America. By arming our teachers in advance, they could theoretically stop an attack from occurring.

“One thing we learned from your NRA”, stated one NK general, "the only way to stop a madman with a nuclear missile, is lots more madmen with nuclear missiles.”