Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Washington DC
With the backing of the majority of
Republicans in the Senate Mitch McConnell today declared the Tennessee Titan
the Winners of the 2020 Super Bowl, despite the fact that it hasn’t been
played.
In a statement given to SNS,
McConnell stated
“It was clear from the very beginning that the Titans are the
superior team and that that the efforts by Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes and a handful of Whistle Blowers
who were not playing the game are trying to overturn the will to 68,000 fans
who rooted for them saw them win the divisional championship. They played a perfect game on Sunday, and now they say they need
additional games to confirm that the Titans are the winners. This is nothing
but a witch hunt to raise the NFL’s sagging TV ratings. We don’t need to have
players come onto the field to try to alter the result, nor the testimony of
any the so-called whistleblower officials who only saw from a great distance
the games they claim to have officiated.
I am therefore canceling any further games and demanding an immediate
vote by the Senate to declare the Tennessee Titans the Super Bowl champions.”
No comments:
Post a Comment