Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Washington DC
Going before viewers on live national television, Donald
Trump warned that America could face a critical shortage of toilet paper in the
coming weeks. Acting in his new role as "Wartime Commander in Chief" he urged
Americans to start saving that used toilet paper. “We need to save America’s
Butts” he urged. “The only way we can address this is the same way our fathers
did in WWII. Massive collection drives! Americans are urged not to flush that
precious resource down the toilet, but save it in specially marked bins with
Trump’s face on it. These will then be collected each week by Boy Scouts and
other patriotic organizations to be recycled into new clean toilet paper that
will be redistributed to stores."
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