Trump Offered Best Seat for Viewing Coffins in Royal Crypt

 

Satirical News Service
London, UK

Following comments made by Former President Trump that “he would have gotten a better seat for the Queen’s funeral than Biden if he had been invited”, a spokesman for the King released a statement.

“We regret that we did not extend an invitation to Mr. Trump for the funeral. To make amends we would like to offer him our best seat for viewing the coffin of our late queen and royal consort. It is located within the royal crypt at St. George’s chapel. I would suggest Mr. Trump plan on a rather extended stay there since the crypt will be sealed for the next 80 or so years.”

There has been no reply from Donald Trump.

The Great State “Undesirable People” Swap

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

What started out as a not-so-cheap political ploy, governors around the country are relishing the idea of returning buses and planes that brought undocumented immigrants to their doorsteps filled with people they’d like to “get rid of too".  Washington D.C.’s mayor is processing hundreds of drug users who are filling up clinics and jails and plans to have them board the same buses that brought them border crossers from Texas. Gavin Newsome is hoping Texas or Arizona will send California some border crossers so he can get rid of some of the homeless people that have infested LA and San Francisco streets. Chicago Mayor is planning on sending gang members, and New Jersey has plans to send Drug Dealers.  “This is a terrific idea!” stated one unnamed governor, “by swapping their undesirables for ours, it’s a win! win! scenario. “

King of England Sends Boat Load of 102 “Pilgrims” to Massachusetts

 

Satirical News Service
London, England

 In a cynical move to demonstrate England’s frustration with so-called undocumented “Pilgrims”, the King loaded a boat called the Mayflower with 102 souls and sent them floating across the ocean to the new Colony of Massachusetts. “Let the Indians manage them, we have enough problems here in England to deal with without them being here”. 

Massachusetts Governor Sends People Convicted of Gun Violations to Florida

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In response to Governor Ron DeSantis’s bold move of packing up more than 50 so-called undocumented immigrants and flying them to Martha’s Vineyard, Governor Charlie Baker of Massachusetts returned the plane to Miami loaded with 50 people convicted of gun violations with a note “Thanks for the new arrivals, they appear a lot less dangerous than the ones I’m sending back to you. I'm sure they'll feel right at home in your state”

Trump Says Charles' Succession is a Fraud. Declares himself as lawful King of England

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 With The announcement of Queen Elizabeth’s death, in accordance with the Queen’s wishes, Price Charles is to become the new King of the British Empire. Immediately upon hearing this, Trump messaged on his Truth Network that the succession “is a fraud and that he won the succession to be king by a landslide.”

 “Once again It’s a fraud, just like the last U S election. I am the rightful heir to the throne. Boris Johnson told me that the Queen personally told him that  ‘she preferred anyone, even Donald Trump, to her idiot son'. I had the secret document to prove it too until those witch-hunting traitors in the FBI took it out of my Mar a Lago estate, and now won’t  give it back.”

It is also reported that he personally called the PM of Scotland begging him to find just 11,700 votes for him to contest the succession. He plans to hold a “stop the steal” rally in front of Westminster Cathedral “We’re going to march right up to the Cathedral….., and I’ll be marching right along with you…”.

Putin files brief in US Court today demanding Return of Trump’s Classified Documents to Him

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 Today Vladimir Putin filed briefs today in Federal Court to demand that the classified documents that were seized in the FBI raid on Mar a Lago be returned to him. 

“I bought them from Trump more than a year ago in a secret deal. He kept stalling saying he can’t remember where he left them. Now FBI come and take them all. They don’t belong to FBI, they belong to me!"

Trump’s lawyers declined to comment on this new revelation except to say that Mr. Putin does raise a valid argument for their return.