The Uncontrolled Crisis in Your Mailbox

 

An Warning to All Americans by the gOPs

Dear Americans, 

I come to you tonight to talk about the greatest crisis facing Americans right now. No, I am not referring to the Southern Border. I am referring to the uncontrolled flood of junk mail that is invading America’s mailboxes daily.

Sure some of them are legitimate letters, but most are far more nefarious. Ads for sex boosters and abortion pills! Unproven pain remedies and vitamins. Contests promising exotic vacations or cruises, only to deliver you into the hands of thieves on huge ships or so-called resorts who will rob you blindly! Some of this so-called mail extorts innocent people directly by demanding monthly payments 

Much of this junk mail is carried by people hired by big government-run cartels called "carriers" who are paid mere pennies for each piece of “mail” that they deliver by the hundreds every day right into your mailbox!

And who is to blame for this? Well, I place the blame squarely on a certain individual who sits in the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue and has done nothing to stop it. 

But my party and our great leader Donald Trump have a solution. We plan to immediately put this into the hands of private companies who will screen each and every piece of mail before it gets into your mailbox to make sure it is not some WOKE solicitations by the ACLU or Democrat Terrorist organization, or even  worse an absentee ballot. They will ensure that only good pure Christian and patriotic messages get through to you. 

Mr. Trump’s message for Mr. Biden is this “Return to Sender, at Address unknown!”