Satirical News Service
New York, NY
After launching his Trump Branded Bible for a mere $60
each, Donald Trump has come up with another great money-making scheme to “fleece his
flock”. He is going to launch Trump Branded Mega Churches throughout the country, starting in Deep-Red States like
Florida and Texas.
According to the text that Trump posted on his Truth Social
Network,
“America needs a new kind of church that does away with the WOKE ideology that is rampant
in all the other churches. You won’t find any of that in my church. My church
will stand for Guns, GOD, and Secure Borders. No more liberal sermons about 'Love thy Neighbor' and 'Turn the Other Cheek'. In my church, you'll hear sermons about reporting your
neighbors so they can be rounded up and deported, and if someone hits you on the cheek, you knock him flat. Any
religion can worship in my churches as long as they first worship me. You won't
find any voluntary collection plates either – it’s pay up front at the door for an amount
yet to be determined. The best part about this venture is that churches can’t
be taxed or prosecuted, since we stand for our First Amendment Right of “Freedom of Religion”. We’ll also offer a full line of crucifixes designed by my daughter featuring me,since nobody has been persecuted more than me, and lots and lots of
Religious books with children’s stories written by “you –know-who”. We’re gonna make millions!
Construction of the first one is expected as soon as he can
line up financing – which might take a while considering….
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