Bachman Proposes to End 13th Amendment in Effort to Create Jobs Without Government Spending

Satirical News Service

Washington, DC

In an effort to demonstrate her extensive knowledge of U.S. history and understanding the economy, Michele Bachman today proposed abolishing the 13th Amendment in an effort to create jobs in America without increasing government spending or taxes.

According to Bachman, "Before the Civil American War, there was full employment in the South, but after Liberal Presidents came into office they imposed big government regulations on the South like the 13th amendment which caused massive unemployment." "As president I'd abolish big government regulations like this." "Many of our founding fathers owned slaves because they saw how good it was for employment. Unfortunately because of affirmative action, only Negroes got to be slaves." "I'd propose making slavery available to all races and nationalities, even to illegal immigrants provided they abide by the laws of our country and become Evangelical Christians." "By ending this jobs-killing-amendment, employers could keep much more of their hard earned money by not having to pay for burdensome government expenses such as workmen's comp, health insurance, and OSHA regulations." "Everyone would be granted a job under this proposal, so we could completely abolish liberal programs like welfare and unemployment insurance and continue to have large tax cuts for the rich."

In other news, following the announcement of the Pima County Republican Party fund raising raffle for a Glock 23, handgun similar to the one that was used to shoot Congresswoman Gabby Gifford, the Dallas Republican Committee is planning to raffle off an exact replica of the rifle used to assassinate President John F. Kennedy.