Washington, DC
In what continues to highlight the intractable differences between Republicans and Democrats, a new debate now rages in Congress over the Speed of Light. This was brought about by the recent findings from CERN that a particle has exceeded the Speed of Light.
Republican House leaders came out today stating they are adamantly opposed to such increases without first cutting the mass of particles. According to Republican spokespersons, "We need less mass, not more speed! By increasing the Speed of Light you slow down other particles and create a greater burden on the whole electrical grid that is responsible for creating thousands of jobs for the American people. This is just another example of Big Government imposing new forms of regulation and increasing waste."
Democrats countered that increasing the Speed of Light will help create jobs and make for cleaner more efficient forms of energy and transportation.
This debate however has completely by-passed Republican Presidential Hopefuls Michele Bachman and Rick Perry who do not believe in the existence of sub-atomic particles at all, and instead believe in the "Four Humors Theory" of matter.
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