Satirical News Service
Lexington, KY
In a rare display of unity among the four remaining GOP presidential candidates, they all declared that Obama was to blame for the recent spate of tornadoes that have plagued the Midwest this week. Each candidate described their own reasons why Obama was causing this.
According to Rick Santorum, "It is Obama’s plan to discredit his discrediting of Global Warming instead of it being GOD’s will perpetrated against women in the Midwest who are using birth control."
According to Gingrich’s sources, the tornadoes are "Obama’s way of disrupting the Republican primaries in the Midwest so that Mitt Romney can carry those states that he would have won."
Mitt Romney issued this statement. “No doubt this is Obama’s way of forcing people onto government run FEMA dole outs at Tax Payer’s’ expense. One of the first things I’m going to do as President is to eliminate FEMA so that people won’t have to come crawling for aide from the government.”
In a more conciliatory note Romney stated that he sympathized with people who have lost their homes and businesses to the recent tornadoes. He stated, “ One of my illegal immigrant grounds-keeper’s home was once destroyed by a tornado on one of my multi-million dollar estates, so I personally know the pain you must be going through now.”
Ron Paul’s sources said that Obama is causing these tornadoes just so he can make people dependent on government aide.
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