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FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Monday, May 21, 2012

MASSIVE UN-FRIENDING ON FACEBOOK THREATENS TO COLLAPSE THE ENTIRE GLOBAL SOCIAL NETWORK



Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

A new crisis has enveloped the entire social networking system when, after the initial IPO of Facebook went public this past weekend, millions of people on Facebook began to unfriend each other. Immediately the stock, which had an initial value of $38 dropped 4 points, and set off another panic wave of un-friending. One analyst predicted that if the trend continues it could bring down the entire global social network structure much like Greece did the European financial community. An analyst from the Academic community says he’s been warning of this crisis for a long time now. "Once people start to unfriend each other, no one wants the stigma to be the first person unfriended, so they start unfriending people pre-emptively. Before long total panic takes hold and everyone is un-friending everyone – even their own mothers!”

Congressional leaders begged their constituents to stop unfriending people, but since they were the first people to be unfriended, the message had little impact. Leaders from the RNC really had no comments on the crisis, since most of their constituents have few friends anyway, and think that Facebook is just some sort of Gay dating scheme. Mitt Romney offered help in the way of  a statement in which he said “he knew of some people who had once Facebooked, but right now all of his friends are in the Cayman Islands and don’t have time for other friends unless they haul in more than 10 million bucks a year.”

The Obama administration have yet to comment of what action they might take, but it is rumored that Bo, their dog, has been unfriended as well. Other social networks such as Linkedin and Twitter, are concerned that the wave of unfriending could spread to their social networks as well causing a global social network collapse.

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