Republican Scientists Discover Proof of the Wandering Uterus

Scientists shown here with wandering uterus

Satirical News Service
St. Louis, MO

Long thought to be a mythical relic of Medieval Medicine, Republican Scientists now say that they have discovered proof that the Wandering Uterus does indeed exist.  “This is a monumental day in the annals of Medicine – rivaling the discovery of the structure of DNA by Watson and Crick. Thanks to the efforts of Todd Akin, we now know for a fact the uterus does indeed wander throughout the bodies of woman. For example, we know that it runs away when confronted with a legitimate rape, but moves to embrace the sperm when the rape is illegitimate. Just how the uterus knows this is still a mystery to us, but we hope to obtain more federal funding to further investigate this phenomena. Rep Akins has graciously pledged to give us the money that the Republicans plan to take away from Planned Parenthood.”

The validation of the wandering uterus theory now sheds light on a whole host of other female maladies that have long been attributed to the mind instead of the uterus. These include wanting equal pay, the right to vote, and the right to make decisions over their own bodies. Scientists in the Republican Party hope that with further discoveries about this Wandering Uterus we can once and for all prevent these maladies.