Satiricial News Service
Scientists this week have made the discovery of an early
branch of human evolution that mysteriously went extinct. From fossils they
hypothesized that they had very small brains and lived exclusively on an herb
that resembles modern day "tea". Scientists believe this may have
made them very angry and irrational. They are classifying this new species as
Homo-Insurrectus.
Along with the discovery they discovered cave drawings from
this extinct human race. Anthropologists have suggested that based on the
drawings, they worshiped the symbol of a coiled snake. The figure in the middle
right drawing is hypothesized to represent a witch doctor or chief who leads the
tribe. In this depiction the figure appears to be raising ancient artifacts
called “taxes”. The circle with the slash indicates that they did not like this
chief or taxes. The lower most drawing shows how they lured a woolly mammoth to
jump off a cliff by first jumping off it themselves. The last drawing suggests
why they probably went extinct.
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