Satirical News Service
Clackamas, Ore
Clackamas, Ore
New evidence came out today after the tragic shooting in the
Clackamas Oregon Mall, that the rampage may have been triggered by the Mall
Santa’s response to Jacob Tyler Roberts Xmas present wish. The previous day he was purported to have sat
on the Mall Santa’s lap and asked him for a “Red Rider AK-47 automatic rifle with an extended ammunition clip”,
to which the Mall Santa replied “NO kid!
You’ll shoot your eye out”. After that, witnesses reported hearing Roberts
mutter “I’ll show him who’ll shoot their
eye out”. The NRA is warning all
Mall Santa’s not to deny any kids’ request for high powered automatic weapons
with extended ammunition clips this Xmas, and recommends that anyone shopping
at a Mall this Xmas come fully armed. Happy Holidays!
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