Congressional Republicans Offer to Compromise on Fiscal Cliff Impasse

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

House speaker announced today that they would be willing to consider a modest tax increase for the wealthiest Americans if the Democrats agreed to the following.

1.       Nullify the results of the last election

2.       Barack Obama agrees self deport back to Kenya

3.       Nullify Obamacare

4.       End Medicare and Medicaid

5.       End Social Security

6.       Increase defense spending by 200%

7.       Eliminate NPR

8.       Publicly fund Rush Limbaugh and FOX news

9.       Nuke Iran

In exchange the GOP will be willing to negotiate on a 0.005% increase in taxes for people making over 10 billion a year.

“We feel this is the best way to end the stalemate in a fair and equitable way.  If the democrats will just agree to hand us total power to enact whatever we want, we might  be willing to consider raising taxes on anyone say -making more than 10 billion dollars – but only by 0.005%. After all, we did have more Twitter feeds in the last election so that gives us a mandate to control what legislation passes and what does not.”

In other news NASA satellites have discovered small pockets of ice in HELL. So if the old saying is true there is a chance that some form of compromise will be reached before the January 1^st deadline.