Ben Carson Proposes Reclassifying Coal an Essential Food Supplement

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Despite Trump’s pulling out of the Paris Accord and pandering to the West Virginia coal miners, demand for coal still remains at an all-time low. As a way to find new uses for the stuff, Ben Carson is urging Secretary of Health and Human Service Tom Price to reclassify Coal as an essential mineral so that it can be included in all school lunches.

In a press statement HUD secretary Ben Carson said “In Dickens' time, children were fed coal all the time since food was scarce in those early Victorian times. It keeps kids from over eating and is great for fighting obesity in kids. We all know that Carbon is an essential building block for all life on earth, so it seems logical that we should include it in our diet. We could make it part of the essential minerals and include it as a necessary food group."

Tom Price, secretary of Health and Human services is going to consider it and, President Trump loves the idea tweeting “If people are hungry, let them eat Coal!”