Trump Claim Democrats Wrote that letter to Kim, Not Him

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a new Tweet today, Donald Trump is claiming that the White House letter to Kim Jong Un that derailed the June 12wth summit with Nork Korea last week was not written by him, but by “deep state” Democrats lead by Robert Mueller who wanted to discredit him. “I never wrote that”, he claimed, “I sign a lot of stuff that gets put on my desk without reading it – this was just one of those that those sneaky Democrats put there. I also never called Kim ‘Little Rocket Man’, it was just a typo when I mean to say ‘You Rock Man!’ But the Fake-News Press and the Democrats blew it all out of proportion. Kim is a great guy and my new BFF. He wants to make Korea Great again by stripping people of their basic human rights, and I want to do the same here in America and make America Great Again. We both think so much alike.”

Thousands of Facebook Users Un-Friending Trump after Dumping Kim before the Planned Summit

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Thousands of Facebook users are un-friending Donald Trump after he unceremoniously dumped his date and new BFF, Kim Jong Un.  Trump had asked Kim to be his date to the “Mushroom Cloud over Korea” dance and summit, but then rudely dumped him. Messages of sympathy to Kim are pouring in from Facebook users everywhere.

A dejected and inconsolable Kim wrote“I just don’t understand it! I bought a new suit and everything. I even blew up my one and only Nuclear Weapons test site for him and gave him back those three horrid people to show off, and now he repays me by dumping me.” Users from around the world are expressing their sympathy on Kim's Facebook page. “Don’t be upset Kim – He treats everyone that way” said Stormy Daniels in a Facebook message. “Same here” wrote James Comey.

Trump Now Wants His own Royal Wedding

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After seeing how much the British people love their Royal Wedding, Donald Trump has now demanded his own Royal Wedding (at taxpayer expense). Although he is already married to Melina, he stated “I don’t care! If she won’t do it, I’ll marry some other bitch, but I want a Royal Wedding!

He plans to have it down Pennsylvania Avenue next September and although he was never in the Military, he will wear a military uniform, of his own design. He plans to use the coach that George Washington used in his inauguration. Congress, already struggling to keep to the budget under control plans to cut food stamps and Medicaid to pay for it.

North Korean Leader Makes New Demand Before he Will Attend June Summit

Satirical News Service
Pyongyang, PRK

In a surprise announcement today, Kim Jong Un has made a new condition before he will attend the proposed summit with Donald Trump later next month. Specifically, he demanded that Trump Towers in New York be renamed after him and that his name is displayed where currently Trump's name stands. Upon hearing this new condition, Trump was purported to have flown into a rage demanding that John Kelly show him where he hid "his BIG button".

Putin admits “It was probably a Mistake to Hire Michael Cohen as Consultant”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Vladimir Putin stated today that it was a mistake to have hired Michael Cohen to “advise” on real estate deals in America for 7 million dollars. According to Mr. Putin, “He say he knows Mr. Trump very well and has learned his secrets of Real Estate Investing. We believe him, but later we find out he don’t know SHIT! Still we keep paying him – I don’t know why, but it was big mistake. It seem others have come to this conclusion as well. We learn now how to cut out middle man”.

Kim Jong-Un New Demand - “No Prisoner Release Unless it Includes Stormy Daniels”

Satirical News Service
Pyongyang, PKR

In a surprise announcement, North Korea upped their demands to releasing the American prisoners held in North Korea to now include Stormy Daniels. He emphatically stated he wants her to be “his personal sex slave” before he would consent to allow the prisoners to be released. The reaction by the White House to this was muffled ecstasy. Sarah Sanders announced that the Justice Department is looking into a way that a US citizen can be deported to a belligerent country for the expressed purpose of sex. “We are quite confident we will find a way to make this happen, Those prisoner’s lives are depending on this", said Saunders.

NASA Announces Planetary Satellite Named for Donald Trump

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

NASA today announced that they will name their new unmanned planetary satellite after President Trump. In the announcement, they stated that its mission expected to be launched sometime in the next year will be to go to the little-known planet Uranus. The Trump probe will go up into Uranus and probe deep into its interior. It is fitting that we should name this satellite after Donald Trump stated one NASA employee who wished to remain anonymous.