Trump Plans Revenge on Nationals for Boo’ing

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After a withering catcall of boo’s for Trump from the large crowd at Nationals Stadium for the 5^th game of the World Series, Trump is making it clear to them that he will have his revenge.  On Tuesday, he signed an executive eminent-domain order for National Security reasons to seize the National’s stadium to create a new detention center for undocumented workers. Next ICE agents raided the homes of several players on the Nationals team for “irregularities” on their VISA’s or citizenship papers and detained them. Then he called  Jim Crane, owner of the Houston Astros with an explicit “favor request” to find dirt on the Nationals owner Mark Lerner, stating “It would be a real shame if their star pitcher José Urquidy got deported for “irregularities with his VISA “ Later Trump responded to reporters by saying “We’ll see who is Boo Hooing Now!”

National Gallery of Art to Feature Show of Donald Trump’s Artwork

Piece titled - "Die You Miserable Traitor" by Donald Trump

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Upon learning that George W Bush recently had a one-man show of his portraits of wounded warriors that he had painted, Donald Trump insisted that the National Gallery of Art dedicates a one-man show of his own artwork. He stated, 

“I’m a much better artist than Bush. My art reflects all the great themes and values that my Base loves me for”. 

The National Gallery of Art has yet no dates assigned for the showing and refused to comment further. Here some other works featured

Piece titled "Die, Die, You Miserable B***h" by Donald Trump

Piece titled "Me and My BFF" by Donald Trump

South Korea on Frantic Drive to Create Oil Drilling Fields

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After witnessing what happened to the Kurds last week and recent troop deployments to Saudi Arabia, South Korea’s president Moon Jae-in has begun a crash program to develop oil fields throughout South Korea. In his statement, he said, “It doesn’t matter if they actually produce oil or not, as long as we have them. It seems having oil fields to protect is the only way to get US troops to honor their commitments to stay and defend a country.”

Trump Claims He is the Victim of a Phony Presidency

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

With his Republican allies deserting him daily as new evidence emerges and facing new charges of violating the emoluments clause, Trump railed today that he is the victim of a phony Presidency.

“Me President – Hell no! I just filled in for Mike Pence. He is the one behind all those scandals. He was the one who made the Ukraine call and then made me take the blame for it. He was the one who demanded that I choose the Trump Doral for the G7. I was happy to just play golf all the time while he did all the dirty work. Now that the S**T has hit the fan, he wants me to take the blame for it. Of course, I hardly knew the man – after all, who can trust a man who calls his wife mommy. I am just an upstanding, amazingly successful businessman in the hospitality business who got caught up in this phony Presidential thing. You should be impeaching him – not me.”

Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Sales Of All Turkeys Just Before Thanksgiving

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

President Trump today, under the mistaken belief that Turkeys are imported from Turkey, has signed an Executive Order today that bans the sale of all Turkeys. This comes at a particularly bad time for Turkey farmers in the USA who depend on these sales to get them through the year. In his statement Trump said,

“This will send a message to Turkey that we can easily cripple them economically if they go against our policies. I also plan on banning Turkey stuffing, and will personally execute, rather than pardon this year’s Presidential turkey.”

Gambino Mob Head plans to Run against Trump in 2020

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Domenico Cefalu, the current head of the Gambino mob is planning to run against Trump for President as a Republican in the 2020 election. In his released statement to the press via his consiglieri he said.

“Dis Trump asshole don’t know shit about running a mob.  If the Republicans want ta mob leader, dey should  choose one with a lot more experience d’n dis guy. You wouldn’t have Nancy Pelosis or dat Schiff guy investigating no’ting.  Dey’d be feeden da fishes in the Potomac. And anybody gets out line – budda-bing-budda-bang.”

Using Zoltar to Hide the Whistleblowers Identity

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Given the extreme need to shield the Whistleblower’s identity, Congress has come up with a unique solution. An Arcade Zoltar will be rolled into the committee’s chamber which will be linked to the actual whistleblower who will be at an undisclosed location but connected via TV and audio signals. When a committee member asks “Zoltar” a question, the animatronic Zoltar will respond with the appropriate mouth, head, and hand movements, as well as glowing eyes to indicate the emotional tone of the answer.

Donald Trump is considering using the Wizard device used in The Wizard of Oz if HE is asked to testify before Congress or any of its committees.