Empty Chair seen as the GOP’s new “Joe the Plummer”

Satirical News Service
Tampa, FL

Following its debut at the GOP National Convention in Tampa earlier this week, the “empty chair” has become an overnight sensation. We caught up with it just before it was getting ready to depart on a nationwide tour to campaign for Mitt Romney. Here are some remarks from an interview it agreed to give us.

“I feel that I truly represent the values of the GOP – Rigid, bland, and empty. Like Mitt Romney I also paid zero taxes for at least 10 years, and like Mitt Romney I basically sit around while others do the real work, and then claim credit. Like Mitt, I was born in Michigan of good strong American wooden stock, I was made an orphan early in my life when the company that made me was sold to Bain Capital and then outsourced to China due to over-regulation of the Forest Industry by Big Government Environmentalists. I too believe that life begins at the moment of construction, and hope that someday more inanimate objects like me and Mitt with hollow legs and empty values, and a single purpose can grow up to become President.”