Satirical News Service Washington, DC
Two days after losing the Presidential Election to Hillary Clinton by one of the greatest margins since Wendell Willike, and then mysteriously demanding a recount in every state, Donald Trump and his entire family disappeared. No one of his staff had any idea where he went or why. Three days later it appeared that all of his cash and other holding had been withdrawn, some of which was converted into gold bars. Cargo handlers at Teterboro airport in New Jersey reported seeing private security men loading palettes of gold and cash aboard Trump's private jet.
While election officials pondered how to do such a large recount and why, since it was completely obvious that Trump had lost by such margins that a recount would be worthless, he suddenly appeared five days later in Moscow having drinks with Vladimir Putin.
Investigators immediately began looking into the disappearance of his funds and assets. It now appears that he had used the election primarily as a way to get millions in donations, which he kept in his private fund. Creditors report that he owes them millions in advertising fees, and wages for campaign workers. It appears that he was deeply in debt before his election bid, and used the election as a way to embezzle money from donors and the RNC and spirit it out of the country.
In a statement he released from Moscow, he appeared smiling on camera saying "I told the press, they just can't figure me out, they should have listened better – as for the American People – YOUR FIRED!"
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