LIE-GOS - The New Toy Sensation

Say kids, Help to Make America Great again with LIE-GOS!

LIE-GOS lets you build lies piece by piece out of little lies until you have Great Big Lies. These lies can get Yuge- and they can take almost any form. Are they strong? Well Even 65 million people can’t break them no matter how hard they try. Just look at some of the great things you can build with LIE-GOS.

Why you can Build an entire White House Administration out of them

Even an Entire Country!

Each set comes with a complete instruction set written by Steve Bannon himself. And it comes with a year's subscription to  Breibart News - so you can always have a new set of lies to build on. So don't wait till Christmas, order today so you can start to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN yourself!

Leslie Suter Called to Testify Before House Un-American Food Activities Committee

Leslie Suter invoking her 5th Amendment Rights to the House Un-American Food Committee hearings

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After Vanity Fair did a scathing review of Trumps Grill in Manhattan, an outraged Donald Trump called for an immediate investigation into un-American Food. “We need to make American Food Great again, and stop promoting so-called ethnic food – FAKE FOOD!”, he Tweeted. 

In response Congress has set up a House Un-American Food Committee to be chaired by Rep. Chris Collins (R-N.Y.) and Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.). 

“We want Americans to eat like Americans, and not be led down the path of Radical Islam by eating at so-called Middle Eastern establishments, or frequenting so-called Roach coaches that have been known to cater to Illegal Mexican and other undocumented ethnic workers particularly in the LA and Manhattan areas. We know that some so-called Americans who write food and restaurant reviews for prominent magazines such as Vanity Fair and LA Magazine are in collusion with these establishments as well as praising chefs who are openly gay. We plan on getting to the bottom of this and singling out those reviewers who write decidedly un-American pro-ethnic food reviews instead of praising great American Restaurants like Trump Grill."

First to be called before the committee were Tina Nguyen of Vanity Fair, and Leslie Suter of LA Magazine. Both invoked their Fifth Amendment rights to all questions before the Committee.

Putin Election Pledge To Make America Great Again - for Russia

Satirical News Service
Moscow

Vladimir Putin pledge to Russia for the up-coming elections is To Make America Great Again – For Russia. "When we make America great again for Russia”, he stated, “then Russia will be great for America. There is so much Russia has to offer America – like how to conduct surveillance and hack into computers, how to run a gulag, and how to lie and get away with it. Not like fumbling efforts you have now.” 

Putin is expected to win nearly 99% of the vote, but turnout is expected to be very low – about 100 voters in all.

Microwave Oven from Trump Residence Gave Testimony About Spying Allegations

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

The Samsung microwave oven from the Trump residence at Trump Towers was called before a Congressional Committee to answer questions about it's role in the bugging of Donald Trump by Barack Obama during the final weeks of the campaign. As expected, the microwave over only emitted a series of beeps which the committee took as the equivalent to invoking it's fifth amendment rights. More testimony is expected later this week from the Refrigerator, Dishwasher, 60 inch Flat Screen TV, and electronic toilet paper dispenser. Although the cost of these investigations have cost more than 1 million dollars in tax payer money, the head of the Republican led committee reiterated that this was just as important as our investigation into Benghazi.

New Proposal for Trumpcare – Its’ Yuge!

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After the CBO released the budget figures for what Trump's replacement for Obamacare would cost, Trump declared "it was only a negotiating position". He has now proposed a totally new healthcare plan that he says will be “Yuge- The Best Healthcare plan ever! Everyone will be so healthy, they’ll beg to get sick and die!”

While the details are still emerging, it appears that the new ACA-WHATEVER-THE-HELL-THIS-PLAN-IS will allow people to purchase healthcare information from exchanges at very low rates. It will not discriminate against age or any pre-existing conditions. It will provide the same level of information to existing Medicaid recipients and even undocumented workers. “I guarantee that the information you’ll get about healthcare will be the greatest in the world” tweeted Trump.

Unfortunately, while the plan does have a much lower price tag, it provides only information about healthcare without actually providing it. There is no actual drug plan coverage, but there is information about what certain drugs do. It provides no actual coverage for hospitalization but goes on to provide information about how family members can provide this same care at home. It does provide emergency care in the form of Red Cross Booklets on CPR, and emergency first aide. One of the more controversial aspects however is that Death Panels are included in it, but in the form of a Reality TV show called You’re Terminated. People with illnesses will be made contestants on the show to determine whether they should get healthcare, or deathcare.

God Announced Plan For Extreme Vetting To Keep Undesirables Out Of Heaven

Satirical News Service

God spoke  today at a rally of True Believers and stated “Far too many of the wrong kind of people are getting into heaven these days. We’re letting in philanderers, bigots, and tyrants from radical countries posing as good God-fearing religious people. They’re coming here and taking away jobs and draining our Infinite resources. From now on we’re going to have much more scrutiny at The Pearly Gates. We’re’ going to have extreme vetting for arrivals from certain countries and we’re going to start rounding up people who came here illegally and deport them back to earth. Lastly, we’re going to build a wall between Heaven and Earth, and were gonna make the people on Earth Pay for it.” 

When asked how the people of earth are going to pay for this so-called wall, GOD stated, “I'm going to wreak havoc with their climates and weather until they start building that wall!”

Jesus, who had always been considered a much more moderate in the Council of Angels and had always preached for forgiveness and charity, conceded that these measures have become necessary because many of his own followers have turned to Radical Evangelicalism and are getting into heaven masquerading as true Christians. Furthermore, Hell has become so overpopulated now that they’ve stopped letting new people in, and just sending them back to earth. When asked to elaborate about the new extreme vetting measures he refused to comment and would not confirm if some sort of religious test might be part of this as many of his followers have insisted upon.

Trump tweet - I have Solid proof of Obama's Bug - It calls Itself "Alexa".

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Donald Trump today reiterated his claim that Barack Obama bugged his residence at Trump Towers. In a Tweet sent out at 3:30 am, he showed a picture of what he claims is the bug he found. He claims he can even talk to the person on the other end. "He calls himself Alexa - but he can't fool me! It's Barack Obama!".

In other news Trump also tweeted that Obama had made a secret deal with the Aliens in Area 51 to disrupt our weather so he could claim it was global warming. He demanded an immediate investigations into this claim.

Ben Carson Compares Apollo Astronauts To Slaves

Satirical News Service 

Washington, DC 

Taking to the podium again today, HUD secretary Ben Carson compared the journey of the Apollo Astronauts to those of Black Africans in slave ships. 

“They we strapped into their seats crammed into the tiny spaces shoulder to shoulder for days on end. They were forced to wear bulking suits and given meager rations for the entire journey. Then they were forced to work in life threatening conditions for hours on end, chopping and gathering rocks to bring back to their overseers back on earth. This should give us pause to think, and teach us a valuable lesson.” 

Reporters in the room tried to ask him what that lesson was, but he refused to elaborate saying, “It’s perfectly obvious.”