Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Washington DC
After the
CBO released the budget figures for what Trump's replacement for Obamacare would
cost, Trump declared "it was only a negotiating position". He has now proposed a
totally new healthcare plan that he says will be “Yuge- The Best Healthcare
plan ever! Everyone will be so healthy, they’ll beg to get sick and die!”
While the details are still emerging, it appears
that the new ACA-WHATEVER-THE-HELL-THIS-PLAN-IS will allow people to purchase
healthcare information from exchanges at very low rates. It will not discriminate against age
or any pre-existing conditions. It will provide the same level of information
to existing Medicaid recipients and even undocumented workers. “I guarantee
that the information you’ll get about healthcare will be the greatest in the
world” tweeted Trump.
Unfortunately, while the plan does have a much
lower price tag, it provides only information about healthcare without actually
providing it. There is no actual drug plan coverage, but there is information about
what certain drugs do. It provides no actual coverage for hospitalization but
goes on to provide information about how family members can provide this same
care at home. It does provide emergency care in the form of Red Cross Booklets
on CPR, and emergency first aide. One of the more controversial aspects however
is that Death Panels are included in it, but in the form of a Reality TV
show called You’re Terminated. People with illnesses will be made contestants
on the show to determine whether they should get healthcare, or deathcare.
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