Forest Service No Longer Will Fight Fires – Only offer Hopes and Prayers

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

Despite the fact that the fires in Northern California are only 50% contained, the USFS announced today that from now on it will no longer fight forest fires. Instead they will collectively offer their thoughts and prayers to the victims. “This is not the time to be talking about fighting raging forest fires”, stated the head of the Forest Service. "Let’s face forest fires are just a fact of life. Trying to fight them just doesn’t work. Once you put out one fire, another just plops in its place. Now is not the time to be talking about prevention either. We’ve all seen that forest fire prevention just doesn’t work. We've had stricter and stricter regulations and we still have forest fires, at the cost of good high paying lumber and forestry jobs, and housing development. It’s time for America to wake up to the fact that from time to time things are just going to burn out of control, and they just have to live with it. We will, however, offer our thoughts and prayers to all the victims”