Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Washington DC
After a
spate of motiveless indiscriminate shootings, the NRA’s head, Wayne LaPierre, came out strongly in support of mandatory motives for all persons intending
an indiscriminate mass shooting. In a briefly worded statement LaPierra stated “In
the interest of public safety, we cannot let this continue. All shooters must
declare their motives either verbally or in writing before they commence
shooting. Right now the public is held in a constant state of terror wondering ‘Why
did they shoot us?’ The public has a right to know why – and the real reason –
not just because someone might be pissed off or crazy. We feel that this is the
only way forward so the public can continue their daily activities knowing that
when they are the victims of the next mass shooting, at least we’ll know why.”
The Republicans heralded this as a landmark
concession toward guns safety, and have come out strongly in support of it.
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