New Milestone in Aviation Set as United Airlines Actually Completes a Scheduled Flight

Satirical News Service
Chicago, Ill

In what is being hailed as a new milestone in American aviation, United Airlines today announced that it had actually completed a scheduled flight.

“We DID IT!” said one spokesperson, “No turning back for wrongly ticketed passengers, poop on bathroom walls, stinky odors, unruly passengers, or anything else. The plane took off, flew, and landed – just as it was scheduled to do. While this flight was only a short hop from Cleveland to Pittsburgh, it represents a new milestone for us and all of American Aviation. In the not too distant future passengers will regularly be able to board an airplane and arrive at their planned destination without turning back or doing an unscheduled landing at another airport. But for now, this small step represents a big jump for us and all of aviation.”