Satirical News Service
New York, New York
New York, New York
In a statement today, FOX news executives stated that
yesterday Mitt Romney overwhelmingly won the Twitter vote count. “We feel that this is really the only vote
that matters – far more than electoral votes or even actual ballot votes – and we
are vindicated by the fact we had accurately predicted that Mitt Romney would overwhelmingly
win this vote. “
In other news Mitt Romney immediately announced that he
would run for President in 2016 this time as a Democrat. In his statement he stated
that he has always been a supporter for strong government regulations and
programs, and that Obamacare was actually fashioned after his Massachusetts
Health Care Plan. He feels that wealthy Americans should bear some of the burden
of getting America out of dept. with higher taxes, and strongly believes in
equal rights for woman and their right to choose in all health related and pregnancy
matters. He supports strong gun control, and limiting all drilling on public
lands to protect the environment.
The law firm that brought the Citizens United suit to the
Supreme Court has issued a new challenge demanding that Hurricanes not be
permitted any role in presidential elections. In the law suit they demanded
that Hurricanes be prevented from utilizing their vast resources of wind, rain,
and tides to potentially sway voters and limit access to polling places.
Newly re-elected President Obama has announced that he will
be forgoing the usual inauguration parade and ball for a mass “kum-bi-ya” sing-along on the mall to
unite both parties. John Boehner and
Mitch McConnell have both declined his offer to attend.
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