Musket Finally Pried from Charlton Heston’s Cold Dead Hands

Charlton Heston shown here clutching the musket he was buried clutching

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After a massive Federal Effort lasting almost 10 years and costing some 500 million dollars, the 18^th century musket that Charlton Heston was buried clutching has finally been pried loose. The undertaking was begun shortly after his death in 2008 as a means to provide some tiny measure of gun control, even if only symbolic. A large part of the cost of this endeavor was due to efforts by gun control opponents and lobbyists who spent millions of dollars to try shut down the program. 

President Obama appeared on National TV today to praise the efforts of all those involved in this massive undertaking and to say that Americans now sleep safer because at last the gun has been pried from Heston’s cold dead hands.