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Sunday, September 20, 2015

Negotiations Underway With Iran to Change Their “Death to America” Chant

Satirical News Service
Washington, D.C.

After narrowly getting the Iran Nuclear Treaty deal passed through Congress this year, the Obama administration is setting its sights on a new deal that would change the “Death to America” chant that Iranians use at rallies every time America is mentioned.

In an interview with the lead negotiator from the US State Department, he stated, “It has become very clear that this is a serious problem for US-Iranian relations right now, and especially for Democrats who want a more conciliatory relationship with Iran. Every time we try to put an olive branch out there, we see news footage of some Iranian rally shouting ‘Death to America’. The American people simply cannot accept this. We are now involved in new negotiations to try to change this chant to something else.”

It has been learned by SNS that Iranians have put forward several proposals that offer a more conciliatory tone. One proposal put forth by negotiators is to change the chant to simply “Illness to America”, but the Iranians insisted on changing the wording of it to “Long and Debilitating illness to America”; something the US could not accept.

Another proposal was “Death to only a (blank) percentage of Americans”, but what that percentage is was still deadlocked. The Iranians also insisted on putting in the words “who are non-Muslim”, which American negotiators cannot accept.

In an effort to break the deadlock, negotiators from European nations have put forth the chant “Death to Western Powers” as an acceptable alternative, but the Soviets feel that it might be construed to indicate them as well as NATO nations, and oppose it.


Republicans in Congress also want any change in the Iranians’ chants to also include their “Death to Israel” chant – something that the Iranians have unequivocally rejected.

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