Cigarettes Re-Branded as Herbal Food Supplements

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

As Cigarette companies face declining sales and tighter regulations, R.J. Reynolds, the leading cigarette company, today announced that they are no longer going to make cigarettes. Instead, they are redesigning and re-branding their products as “Inhaled Herbal Supplements”. Taking a page from the rapid growth in sales for Vitamin Water and other such products, they have infused their products with as much vitamins as you’d find in a box of cereal. They are also adding so called anti-oxidants such as acai that would “eliminate any cancerous cells that might be produced.” 

By re-classifying their products as a food supplement, they bypass all the regulatory scrutiny of the FDA and other government regulatory agencies. They also appeal to a gullible public who think that anything that contains the word vitamin or herbal is going to be healthy. Quoting from one executive, “People will believe any type of healthful claims as long as you add the words herbal, vitamin, and all-natural to the product.”